In My Darkest Hour
by Snook24
Summary: Left alone in his castle, how will he go about his final moments?


**In My Darkest Hour**

**Disclaimer:** Yes, this is a songfic and because it is, I want to make it perfectly clear that the lyrics used are not mine and are featured on the song "In My Darkest Hour" by the band Megadeth off of their _So Far, So Good… So What!_ album. They were written by Dave Mustaine and David Ellefson. I would also like to point out that the characters used are not mine either and belong to Koei (or maybe they belong to history.) I want to make a third note by saying that I'm not making any money off of this at all and that I actually bought the album that this song is on (shocking, isn't it?)

Ok, so I decided to do a songfic because I haven't seen any in a while, but maybe there's a reason for that…

X

_In my hour of need, no you were not there_

_And though I reached out for you, wouldn't lend a hand_

_Through the darkest hour, your grace did not shine on me_

_Feels so cold, very cold, no one cares for me_

The fires that had trickled their way to the wooden door in front of him warmed him as though they had sat only a meter away. The shouts and the sounds of swords against swords flooded his ears as well as the cackling of the flames that had engulfed the castle, like Death's own fits of hysteria, toying with him as his fate grew nearer and nearer, yet never yielding to him the time at which it would arrive.

Liu Bei sat in his personal room at Bai Di castle, alone as he instructed. As was not as instructed however, his men had still attempted to fight for him. Had it been any other time, he would have been proud and honored, but today he had felt resentment towards them for their lack of understanding that they were just wasting their lives. He had been advised many times to surrender or retreat and that Sun Quan would treat him with mercy, but they didn't understand either. He was not complete without his brothers, and without them there was no Shu. He never intended to rule without them by his side. Many saw _him_ as the ruler of Shu, but little did they know that they were as much a part of him as his own two arms. And they had abandoned him to fend for himself.

_Did you ever think I'd get lonely?_

_Did you ever think that I needed love?_

_Did you ever think, stop thinking_

_You're the only one that I'm thinking of?_

The planks upon the door gleamed a dull orange as the flames danced their way across it. Liu Bei still sat unnerved by the chaos that ensued just outside the stone block of the walls around him. _They_ abandoned him,_ they_ had the power to stop it, _they _hadchosen to leave him, it was _their fault!_ The oath that the three of them had sworn was a deal made with fate, and now that it had come to pass, there was nothing he cared for other than vengeance. But that had gone out of his reach and now all that was left was making sure the oath was fulfilled. "Let us die on the same year, the same month, the same day, the same hour!" He was late, and now the heavens were repossessing the debt he owed them. But it was _their damn fault!_ They were the two strongest men alive, how could they die by another's hand?

_Oh, how I lived my life for you, till you turned away_

_Now, as I die for you, my flesh still crawls as I breathe your name_

_All these years, thought I was wrong, now I know it was you_

_Raise your head, raise your face, your eyes, tell me who you think you are_

The flames found their way underneath the door and the heat licked at the back of his skin. He found that his body had reacted to the heat like it would if he was freezing cold. Instead of sweating or relaxing his muscles, he started shivering and his body tensed up. There was a moment when he was stricken with fear, but it passed as quickly as it came. He had already come to terms with death, the moment he found out Zhang Fei had left him, he was ready to die. He thought about the rest of his country and his family, for another moment he considered trying to delay death, for them, but who was he kidding. Shu _was_ Guan Yu, Shu _was _Zhang Fei. Any feelings of survival were shot down by the thought of those two yet again.

Another moment came by and yet another feeling struck him. He was going to die, but he would be dishonoring his brothers if he were to do it cross-legged on his bed letting the flames of the enemy ravage his body like a worthless whore to a drunken deviant. No, he would fight, for as long as his body drew breath, which was getting harder and harder to do by the second.

_I walk, I walk alone to the promised land_

His booted foot crashed through the doors and he welcomed the overpowering heat from the flames with open arms. He boldly stepped out of his chambers with his sabers drawn, mad with ambition to slaughter anyone he saw, _anyone._

_There's a better place for me but it's far, far away_

His madness drew him away from his senses as he stepped foot into the heart of the flames. The heat brought him back and he scrambled to put them out. The more he tried, the more he became swallowed up by the fiery gale.

_Everlasting life for me in a perfect world_

He could feel the wood beneath him give way, he stumbled and rolled to the side. Still desperate to rid his body of Death's retched flames. He then found himself standing yet again, how was he going to block out the pain?

_But I got to die first, please God send me on my way_

He could do it himself, if he was going to end it all, it might as well be the way he wanted. Without hesitation he hurled himself over the rails that separated him from the twenty-story gap down to the bottom floor of the castle. Then, time seemed to prolong itself.

_Time has a way of taking time_

_Loneliness is not only felt by fools_

The few seconds it would take to arrive at the bottom seemed like hours and Bei was forced to think about everything once more as time dragged on. His thoughts went to Zhuge Liang and the rest of his army, how he had never gotten to tell them how proud he was of them, and that the greatest pleasure in his life was fighting along side them. To Shang Xiang, how he had never gotten to tell her how much he loved her one last time, or to feel empowered by her soft lips every time his own had touched them. To Liu Shan, he never told him how to steadily lead the land. He never gave him advice or made sure he was prepared to rule once Bei had died, or to tell him how proud of him he was and how much he loved him. "What have I done?"

_Alone, I call to ease the pain, yearning to be held by you_

_Alone, so alone, I'm lost, consumed by the pain_

As he came closer and closer to the ground he remembered an old saying that said 'Every man dies alone.' Sadness rushed through him as he thought about this, there was no way he could deny fate now. How now he longed to be embraced by his beloved as he passed, how he longed just to see her one last time. "Are you happy now Guan Yu? Are you happy Zhang Fei?"

_The pain, the pain, the pain won't you hold me again_

_You just laughed, ha-ha, you bitch_

He cursed his brothers for causing him to suffer so much. His final moments filled with hatred toward none other than the two most important people in his life, the reason why he had done what he had done. As he thought about this, he realized that he was honored to know them. Not only the two greatest warriors in the land, but the two greatest people in it as well. They were the driving force in his life, they had sacrificed so much for him, even their lives. How could anyone claiming to have a heart of virtue hate them for anything?

And now, as the stone floor came up to greet him, Liu Bei used the last of his strength to form a smile and to say a eulogy for them that should have been said a long time ago.

_My whole life is work built on the past, the time has come_

_When all things shall pass, this good thing passed away_


End file.
